As as former fan of Internet dating (met my wife on match.com two years ago) my policy was to always tell a woman before we slept together, but not before we got to know each other. I felt no compulsion to share my medical history with every woman I went out with once or twice. Alex, in your case it may come down to how much you trust her and care about her. I do think there are times when a white lie is perfectly acceptable -- though sometimes coming up with the right cover story is not always easy. Sometimes you can simply say "I have some family (or personal) business I need to tend to before I get too involved."
Of course if you are 12 weeks into treatment, hopefully you are already undetectable. So if you do choose to tell her, that certainly makes the news easier to digest.
Sed3 said
Apr 22, 2012
Tell her upfront, 3rd or 4th date. If she can't handle it, that's her problem, and if you don't say anything, that's deception on your part.
Lindsay said
Apr 19, 2012
I'll speak from the other side of this issue....as the partner of someone with Hep C. Renee told me before we actually even met in person. It was a lot to digest at first, but as I read more on the illness, I realized that a)I was very low risk at contracting Hep C and b)that there were so many things that I really liked about Renee that it did not matter to me. If Renee waited until later to tell me, I probably would have felt hurt. I know that sharing every little detail of our lives takes time, but particularly with an illness of any type, I think it's best to be upfront. If you tell her and she reacts poorly, that will give you an indication of how things would or could go in the relationship. I hope this helps somewhat!
Lindsay
AlexNY said
Apr 18, 2012
thank you guys) Elizabeth dont say that u r newb and shouldnt have opinion. we all in the same boat here
Scout said
Apr 18, 2012
That's tough. If I were 25 I might think differently but I'm 57 so here goes. Tell all. I kept secrets in relationships and it never turned out good by holding back important details. It ALWAYS bite me in the ass later down the line.
Fortunately I had been in my current marriage 13 years when I was diagnosed. I'm 6 years out from my diagnosis now and 8 weeks into triple therapy(Incivek, Interferon, Riba). My wife knows all that I'm going through and it is a blessing. I'm not alone in this fight.
If you trust the person, feel that it will be a good support for you, and it is about you right now, tell your story and see where the chipsa fall. You might be surprised.
Good luck.
elizabeth said
Apr 18, 2012
I'm the newb and probably shouldn't have an opinion, but I do. Very early in a relationship, I don't see the need to tell someone every detail of your life but if you're getting to the point of wondering about telling her, then it sounds like you're to the point of thinking this relationship is worth pursuing. I can only speak from my perspective, but if you're at that point in the relationship, it would cause me to have trust issues by not being told fairly soon. And having already experienced the mood issues with my husband, I would think being honest with her would certainly answer questions she may have but hasn't wanted to ask.
If she chooses to end the relationship because of this, then there is definitely someone more worthy out there waiting for you!
Good luck!
news said
Apr 18, 2012
I think I would come clean and tell her everything. The fact is, she is a medical professional and probably would understand the whole picture a lot more than than the normal person would. And if she needs more information she would certainly know where to get it. She might say "Ooooh, gross!" and never speak to you again. But I doubt it.
Good luck, buddy. One way or the other you'll come through this. I just think it would make things so much easier for you if you had a partner to go through this with you. And if you both come out the other side OK, the relationship would be so much stronger.
Alan
K2 said
Apr 18, 2012
Mmmm tough one. It would depend on how close you are already. You could just let her know that you do wish to continue to get to know each other but are not ready to take the next step atm due to your own (non related) concerns. Or your could simply be up front, hold your breath and hope for the best. We're all getting good at that. Good luck in all your do.
K2 said
Apr 18, 2012
Mmmm tough one. It would depend on how close you are already. You could just let her know that you do wish to continue to get to know each other but are not ready to take the next step atm due to your own (non related) concerns. Or your could simply be up front, hold your breath and hope for the best. We're all getting good at that. Good luck in all your do.
AlexNY said
Apr 18, 2012
Hi guys, I feel stupid i wrote this whole thing, but if not You, then who can help better.
I need your opinion please. Currently I'm on 12th week of tripple tx (8 with Victrelis) and it isnt going that bad, but of course I'm not 100% physically or mentally, like i get days where I just want to be left alone, and it brings out not of my best qualities, you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, I've been talking to that girl, she seems to like me, and of course I didnt tell her anything about my tx, but really forcing myself to pretend like I'm fully energetic wheres, of course, you can't mask it all. And she wonders why I dont make a move on her (I feel it). I prefer to finish my tx before starting with new chapters of the life.
Question is: would you tell a new person in a life (she's a nurse btw) that u are on tx and u prefer to wait 3 more months. If not, how would u stretch time without any "moves". I'm just emotionally drained, and my mask of "okkeyness" would be revealed if I start relationship now.
Thank u guys,
greenqueen said
Apr 18, 2012
Hi Alex,
As K2 says, it's a tough call. If it were me, I would be upfront about the situation. If you ended up in a serious relationship with this lady, I'm sure she would appreciate your honesty. I'm also thinking that as she is a nurse, she would have more empathy with your situation. As you say, it's going to be damn hard to pretend to be okay and she won't be seeing the real "you". It's not a good start to any relationship to be anything less than honest IMHO.
Love Steff xx
-- Edited by greenqueen on Wednesday 18th of April 2012 10:59:20 AM
As as former fan of Internet dating (met my wife on match.com two years ago) my policy was to always tell a woman before we slept together, but not before we got to know each other. I felt no compulsion to share my medical history with every woman I went out with once or twice. Alex, in your case it may come down to how much you trust her and care about her. I do think there are times when a white lie is perfectly acceptable -- though sometimes coming up with the right cover story is not always easy. Sometimes you can simply say "I have some family (or personal) business I need to tend to before I get too involved."
Of course if you are 12 weeks into treatment, hopefully you are already undetectable. So if you do choose to tell her, that certainly makes the news easier to digest.
Lindsay
thank you guys) Elizabeth dont say that u r newb and shouldnt have opinion. we all in the same boat here
That's tough. If I were 25 I might think differently but I'm 57 so here goes. Tell all. I kept secrets in relationships and it never turned out good by holding back important details. It ALWAYS bite me in the ass later down the line.
Fortunately I had been in my current marriage 13 years when I was diagnosed. I'm 6 years out from my diagnosis now and 8 weeks into triple therapy(Incivek, Interferon, Riba). My wife knows all that I'm going through and it is a blessing. I'm not alone in this fight.
If you trust the person, feel that it will be a good support for you, and it is about you right now, tell your story and see where the chipsa fall. You might be surprised.
Good luck.
I'm the newb and probably shouldn't have an opinion, but I do. Very early in a relationship, I don't see the need to tell someone every detail of your life but if you're getting to the point of wondering about telling her, then it sounds like you're to the point of thinking this relationship is worth pursuing. I can only speak from my perspective, but if you're at that point in the relationship, it would cause me to have trust issues by not being told fairly soon. And having already experienced the mood issues with my husband, I would think being honest with her would certainly answer questions she may have but hasn't wanted to ask.
If she chooses to end the relationship because of this, then there is definitely someone more worthy out there waiting for you!
Good luck!
I think I would come clean and tell her everything. The fact is, she is a medical professional and probably would understand the whole picture a lot more than than the normal person would. And if she needs more information she would certainly know where to get it. She might say "Ooooh, gross!" and never speak to you again. But I doubt it.
Good luck, buddy. One way or the other you'll come through this. I just think it would make things so much easier for you if you had a partner to go through this with you. And if you both come out the other side OK, the relationship would be so much stronger.
Alan
Hi guys, I feel stupid i wrote this whole thing, but if not You, then who can help better.
I need your opinion please. Currently I'm on 12th week of tripple tx (8 with Victrelis) and it isnt going that bad, but of course I'm not 100% physically or mentally, like i get days where I just want to be left alone, and it brings out not of my best qualities, you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, I've been talking to that girl, she seems to like me, and of course I didnt tell her anything about my tx, but really forcing myself to pretend like I'm fully energetic wheres, of course, you can't mask it all. And she wonders why I dont make a move on her (I feel it). I prefer to finish my tx before starting with new chapters of the life.
Question is: would you tell a new person in a life (she's a nurse btw) that u are on tx and u prefer to wait 3 more months. If not, how would u stretch time without any "moves". I'm just emotionally drained, and my mask of "okkeyness" would be revealed if I start relationship now.
Thank u guys,
Hi Alex,
As K2 says, it's a tough call. If it were me, I would be upfront about the situation. If you ended up in a serious relationship with this lady, I'm sure she would appreciate your honesty. I'm also thinking that as she is a nurse, she would have more empathy with your situation. As you say, it's going to be damn hard to pretend to be okay and she won't be seeing the real "you". It's not a good start to any relationship to be anything less than honest IMHO.
Love Steff xx
-- Edited by greenqueen on Wednesday 18th of April 2012 10:59:20 AM