PS... The socks still don't make it to the laundry basket... Some things never change... Ha ha

Sorry but that really made me laugh out loud. I remember well the RIBA rage, and the emotional outbursts. My poor hubby survived the hyperventilating crying bouts at sad commercials, the stupid laundry basket with the broken handle (still have it) and the socks he kept having to pick out of the garbage because he couldn't manage to throw them in the laundry basket.... in hindsight I must have looked like a crazy person, but now I can laugh about it. This too shall pass .... and you will be same and healthier before you know it! 

Thanks Scruffy, Tig and Jill.  I am really over my fit. It was so out of character that I didn't even recognize me.  I can actually laughed at it now.

Jimmy, thank you for sharing this with me.  Above everything I am amazed and grateful to have this chance to be healed and hopefully a healthy future.  I will keep you in prayers that your Christmas rooster crows lovingly for you as you set in his place on the tree.

Greetings Vanessa,

As I am a few short weeks ahead of you on this train ride I greatly understand. I have some deep thoughts this year in particular and I am only sharing a couple of mine in the hope of letting you know you have friends here that understand.

In my opinion it is the goal we seek that we must keep before us and it can be used as our greatest tool in overcoming when the need arises.

I was given a very special gift years ago by a very dear Brother. This is not a Brother by blood but one by something that flows even deeper. The gift was a Christmas Ornament and it is a little boxed Rooster that holds a special place on my Tree. This Brother died of complications from Hep C at home surrounded by family during the run up to Christmas ten years ago.

The tree at our home is up and decorated saving the little Rooster which sits in his box waiting for me to honor the tree with his presence. This year back in July I took an oath this Rooster would only occupy my tree once I am declared UND at a minimum. My 5 week blood test got me close, but at 115 not close enough to set the Rooster free.

I will take my 8 week test this Tuesday the 15th and given the 7 to 10 day potential for the test to come back, we are cutting things pretty close but in that I share your views regarding Christ, I also share the view with you that Romans 8:28 assures us.

This is where my second deep thought of The Season comes into play. My Brother In Law was born on 12/24. Yep Christmas Eve and I remember he used to always say as a result he got ripped off every year as folks would tend to combine his Birthday with Christmas. He came up where they sung Happy Birthday to you immediately followed by Deck the Halls!  LOL His birthday always morphed into the day it was, Christmas Eve.

Roughly 5 years back I was asked to fly out to Colorado where he was on life support and only that was keeping him "alive" until I got there to be by my Mother In Laws side. She had traveled from OKC to Colorado with him because her mother had died. While out at the viewing he stayed back as he was not feeling well. When she returned he was unresponsive in his room. Ambulance ride to the hospital and on to life support. I was being called from Houston to basically survey and decide course of action and that resulted in my authorization to remove from life support. He also died from complications from Hep C and it was not pretty. 

Currently my mother in law is here for the holidays. Christmas eve has been rather solemn for moments now yet the lil ones must be considered above self and sorrow.

I cannot say for sure, but there is a part of me that feels that I will not find results of UND until December 24th. It is that Day that perhaps The Rooster will rise from his box and take it's rightful place on the Tree in honor of both my Riding Brother and my Brother in Law both of whom wished for the treatment you and I have been blessed with but they lost their battles prior to that day. 

Keep your eyes on the goal Dear Sister and know for certain we have been blessed where others before us could only dream of the day when killing the Dragon is within reach.

God Bless you and yours and with that lift your head and let the reality of your blessings take hold in your heart.

JimmyK

Oh Vanessa, I feel your pain!  Most of us who`ve had experience of Riba have had at least one major melt down at some point while on treatment, we know what if feels like.  My own tipping point came when a local builder had failed to clear up a load of mess in my garden after some work he`d done for me, I just saw red and couldn`t hold back!  In the end he had a tear rolling down his face as he told me his wife had left him.. and I still didn`t stop shouting at him!  Most unlike me, although in truth he did deserve a good telling off!  I`m just thankful I lived on my own during my tx!

Just get through the holidays as best you can, and try not to have such high expectations of yourself this year. Take it easy and treat yourself with care, next year you`ll be back on top form! 

I`m glad  you can see the humour in the situation anyway, and hopefully so can your DH! 

Hang on in there, it won`t last much longer, and an undetected result next week will be a huge boost!  

Hi Vanessa,

Sorry about the Riba incident, but we all have at least one (dozen) or more of them to remember our journey. Yours will be bows and boxes, mine was a box of mashed potato flakes!

Sounds to me like your DH has learned well. My wife was on the wrong end of my attitude a couple of times and I ended up apologizing more than once. She, like your husband, learned to stand just out of my blast radius, prepared to pick up the pieces if necessary! Fortunately, she didn't have to do that very often.

I'm sure your little "store bought" tree is beautiful and would meet everyone's approval. I imagine you have it looking very festive, regardless of size! This may be the season to take Scruffy's idea and throw together a festive batch of Ex Lax brownies for the greedy! That'll give you a laugh and even a gift idea, toilet paper, lol! (Just kidding of course, ha!)

I'm looking forward to your good news next week. It will be a special gift indeed!! Good luck!

Yep thats the riba alright. You will be done with this soon hang in there.

"greedy, ungrateful mouths" thats priceless. Reminds me of the time I made "herb" brownies with ex lax. I told every one opps didn't have chocolate so I used this. (holds up empty box) Every one ate them anyway. I knew they would. Greedy mouths. :)

Stay calm treat yourself good.

I apologize for the long rant - it contains no helpful information on dealing with treatment.

First a history lesson:  I love Christmas, I love decorating my tree with 15 years collection of beautiful glass ornaments, but most I love wrapping gifts.  I even make my own bows and had folks (girls, anyway) say "Ohhh...Too pretty of unwrap".

Sometime ago I read a post (Tig, I think) had a fight with some spaghetti noodles or maybe oats in reference to Riba Rage.  At the time, I thought I really don't think this could be a possibly be a problem for me - I am a very passive person who never understood 'road rage'.

I stand corrected.  This years gifts now resemble something a 10 y/o kid wrapped and stuck on one of those yucky pre-made bows.  No ribbon,
no fancy homemade bows, no perfectly wrapped boxes with perfectly aligned ends with no tape showing.  My spare bedroom looks like a disaster that I'll clean later (maybe) with paper, ribbons, tags everywhere that I threw in rages of fit.  It started with the tape (doesn't it always).  Then the ribbon just completely refused to cooperate.   Tags with names spelled names wrong (how do you spell family names wrong - I ask in all honesty?)

Dear Husband, alarmed at what probably sounded like a cat fight, quietly ask if I need help or something.  I think I screamed something like -  HECK YES - 3 VALIUM WOULD BE A START.

Loud sobbing followed and he opted to stay in the recliner and let me be - alone in a room full of gifts I would normally have wrapped weeks ago.  Smart move on his part.

Oh and the beautiful 8' tree that takes at least one full day to bring to fruition? you might ask? WELL DON'T.  This year, DH traveled to the art/craft store and bought a cute list 3' table top model - with his help and no divorce papers - 30 minutes to light and stick little plastic bulbs..... LOUD sobbing. 

I know - it's just this one year.  Right now -  this sounds about the same ask ask a hormonal teen girl at a ill timed moment - 'Are you PMSing or something'.

I'm not even going to think about my annual marathon of baking that usually gives me such joy as I dance around the kitchen to holiday music - just to hand out to greedy, ungrateful mouths which have no idea how many hours I spent on that tart you just stuffed. (ooppss... there's that RIBA girl 'stinkin' / thinkin' again.

The good news (other than the reason for the season - Christ my savior) is I think this stuff is working.  My lovely NP will draw a viral load this coming Friday and my gift will be 'Undetected' the week of Christmas.

just me ~ lost somewhere in a fog of drugs  (no, not valium).